Letter 96

And yet are you indignant at something, or complaining, and do you not understand that there is nothing of evil in those things except this one thing, that you are indignant and complaining? If you ask me, I think nothing wretched for a man unless there is something in the nature of things which he thinks wretched. I shall not endure myself on the day when I shall not be able to endure something. I am in ill health; it is a part of fate. My household has fallen sick, my loans have struck a snag, my house has cracked, losses, wounds, toils, fears have run upon me; it is wont to happen. This is too little; it ought to have happened.

These things are decreed, they do not befall by chance. If you believe me at all, I lay bare to you at this very moment my inmost feelings: in all things which seem adverse and hard I am so framed: I do not obey God, but I assent to him. I follow him from the heart, not because it is necessary. Nothing will ever befall me that I shall receive with sadness, with an ill countenance. I shall pay no tribute unwillingly. But all the things over which we groan, which we dread, are the tributes of life; of these, my Lucilius, you should neither hope for exemption nor seek it.

The pain of the bladder tormented you; threatening letters came; continual losses; I will go nearer still, you feared for your life. Why, did you not know, when you wished for old age, that you were wishing for these things? A long life has all these in it, as a long journey has dust and mud and rain.

'But I wished to live, yet to be free of all troubles.' So effeminate a voice ill becomes a man. See how you will receive this wish of mine; I make it with great spirit, not only with good will: may neither the gods nor the goddesses bring it to pass that fortune keep you among her favourites.

Ask yourself, if some god should give you the choice, whether you would rather live in the meat-market or in the camp. And yet to live, Lucilius, is to be a soldier. Therefore these men who are tossed about, and go up and down through laborious and steep ways, and undertake the most dangerous expeditions, are brave men and the foremost of the camp; but those whom a foul ease cherishes while the rest toil are doves, safe through their baseness. Farewell.