Chapter 37

So that noble man went out of the palace rejoicing, as when one returning from a long exile to his own land goes on his way with gladness. And he was clothed, on the outside, in his customary garments, but underneath in that hair-cloth rag which Barlaam had given him. And that night, coming to the little house of a certain poor man, he cast off the garments wrapped about him and gave them to the poor man as his last act of well-doing; and so, setting God as his helper through the prayers of that man and of many other poor men, and wrapping about himself God's grace and help as a garment of salvation and a tunic of gladness, he went out to the life of the desert, carrying no bread, no water, nor any other thing fit for nourishment, wearing no garment but only that harsh rag which we mentioned a little before. For wounded in soul by some surpassing longing and divine love of the immortal king Christ, he was wholly carried out of himself by what he longed for, wholly transformed toward God, held fast by his love; for 'Love,' it says, 'is strong as fire'; such a drunkenness did he receive from divine love,

and so was he kindled with thirst, according to him who said: 'As the deer longs for the fountains of waters, so my soul longs for you, O God; my soul thirsted for God, the strong, the living God'; and as the soul wounded with such love cries out in the Song of Songs: 'You have ravished our heart with your love, you have ravished our heart'; and, 'Show me your face, and let me hear your voice; for your voice is a sweet voice, and your face is beautiful.' Having received in their hearts the longing for this unspeakable beauty of Christ, the choir of the apostles and the multitudes of the martyrs disregarded all things seen, and all temporary life, and chose the ten thousand kinds of torments and deaths, in love with the divine beauty and reckoning the affection of the divine Word toward us. This fire, this man, beautiful and noble in body, but far nobler and most kingly in soul, having received in himself, despises all earthly things together, treads down all the pleasures of the body, looks down upon wealth and glory and honour from men, lays aside diadem and purple, reckoning these cheaper than spiders' webs, and gives himself readily to all the toils and griefs of the ascetic life, crying, 'My soul has cleaved, O my Christ, my soul has cleaved after you;

and your right hand has upheld me.' And thus, having gone without turning back into the depth of the desert, and having laid aside, like some burden and most heavy collar, the confusion of temporary things, he rejoiced in spirit, and gazing intently at the longed-for Christ, he cried out to him, conversing as with one present and hearing his voice: "Let not my eye see the good things of this world any more, Lord; let not my mind be lifted up henceforth by the present vanity; but fill my eyes, Lord, with spiritual tears, and direct my steps, and show me your servant Barlaam. Show me the one who became for me the agent of salvation, that through him I may learn the exactness of this life of the desert and of asceticism, and not, through inexperience of the enemy's wars, be tripped up. Grant me, Lord, to find the road by which I may attain to you, for my soul is wounded with longing for you, and I thirst for you, the fountain of salvation." These things he turned over always within himself, and conversed with God, united to him through prayer and the loftiest contemplation. And so intently he accomplished his journey, hastening to reach the place where Barlaam dwelt. And he was nourished by the herbs that grow in the desert; for he carried nothing else, as I said before, except only his own body and the rag he was wrapped in. But while he provided himself with moderate and scant nourishment from the herbs, he was utterly in want of water,

that desert being waterless and dry. So now, about midday, when the sun was burning fiercely, as he kept to his journey, he himself was burned more fiercely with thirst from the heat in that waterless place, and suffered the utmost suffering; but longing overcame nature, and the thirst with which he thirsted for God cooled the flame of his thirst for water. But the devil, who hates the good and is envious, not bearing to see in him such a resolve and so fervent a love toward God, raised up against him many temptations in the desert, suggesting to him the memory of his royal glory and the most splendid bodyguard that had attended him, of his friends and kinsmen and companions, and how the souls of all had hung upon his soul, and the other comforts of life; then he set before him the harshness of virtue and its many sweats, the weakness of the body and its unfamiliarity with such suffering, the length of time, the present urgency of thirst, and that from nowhere was he to expect comfort or an end of so great a toil; and in all he raised up much dust of thoughts in his mind, just as is written somewhere also concerning the great Antony.

But when the enemy saw himself weak against that man's resolve—for, thinking of Christ and burning with longing for him, well strengthened by hope and supported by faith, he reckoned the enemy's exaggerations as nothing—the adversary was put to shame, falling, as the saying goes, at the first assault. He comes, then, by another road—for many are his paths of wickedness—and tried to overthrow him with various apparitions and to cast him into cowardice: at one time appearing to him black, as he is; at another, holding a drawn sword, leaping upon him and threatening to strike him, unless he turned back quickly; at another time taking on the shapes of all kinds of wild beasts, roaring against him and making a most terrible bellowing and din; then changing into a serpent and an asp and a basilisk. But that noble and most valiant athlete was unmoved in soul, having set the Most High as his refuge. Sober in mind and mocking the evil one, he said: "You have not escaped my notice, deceiver, whoever you are, who raise these things against me—you who from the beginning contrive evils for the race of men, and are forever wicked and never leave off doing harm. But how fitting and proper to you is this shape, this very thing of likening yourself to wild beasts and creeping things,

displaying the beastliness and crookedness of your mind, and the venomous and harmful character of your purpose. Why, then, do you attempt the impossible, wretch? For since I knew that these contrivances and terrors are of your wickedness, I have no more care at all for you. The Lord is my helper, and I shall look upon my enemies; and upon the asp and the basilisk, which you make yourself like, I shall tread, and I shall trample you, the lion and the serpent, strengthened by the power of Christ. Let all my enemies be ashamed and put to confusion; let them be turned back and put to shame exceedingly and quickly." Saying these things, and wrapping about himself the sign of the cross as an invincible weapon, he brought to nothing all the apparitions of the devil. For at once the wild beasts and the creeping things, as smoke vanishes, vanished, and as wax melts before the face of the fire; and he himself, strong in the power of Christ, went on rejoicing and giving thanks to the Lord. But that desert also breeds many and various wild beasts and all kinds of serpents and dragon-shaped creatures, which, meeting him, were shown not now in apparition but in truth; so that from then on the road was full of fear and toil;

but he himself flew over both in his mind, love, as the Scripture says, casting out fear, and longing lightening the toil. So then, having wrestled with many and various calamities and hardships, after not a few days he reached that desert of the land of Senaar in which Barlaam dwelt; where, finding water also, he quenched the flame of his thirst"